Silver Cross Glitters
by Rayne1
Summary: Just a spec on Sendoh and Rukawa's relationship while in New York.


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Silver Cross Glitters

Rayne (rayne00@dngmail.com)

Pairing: go figure

Rating: PG-15, very light shonen ai, slight angst

Dedication: For Crystal coz she likes SenRu as much as me. 

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Slam Dunk characters. They belong to Takehito Inoue and the other legal owners © 1995.

Archive: SD Babble Club, SDFF ML, SenRu ML (now you know…and another surprise)

Notes: One of my shortest works…ever. Got inspired by a story I read 'bout a guy getting married and leaving everything behind, blah, blah, blah. So I wrote this. It's quite short, and quite angsty, so, please bear with me. Hope you like it, ne!

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Everyone has a fear of his own. Everyone is entitled to a fear of his own. It is a natural weakness, and a natural strength. As absurd as it seems, it is the fear that makes us stronger, harder, braver.

Rukawa Kaede had a fear, perhaps a carry over since his childhood, but a fear nonetheless, and it crept inside his soul, ate away the emblems of happy memories deeply engraved in his heart. It was the fear of emptiness, the fear of giving away his heart, that in time it will be shattered and the remains would be nothing but dust. It was the fear of depending on someone, of perhaps, committing a sinful act of loving and possessing when there was none to love nor possess in the first place. Or maybe it was simply giving everything when there was no one to give to.

His mind was churning in a rapid motion, biting, gnawing at his reasons. Chastising himself as he stood, walking slowly to the suburban streets of New York city, hand reaching subconsciously to his right, entwining his fingers with those of slender, familiar ones. The barest of smiles came, the corners of his lips twitching upwards, his peripheral vision watching the other yawn, a hand coming to cover the widely open mouth.

"Kaede…let's go home."

It was a statement, a request, and without even the functioning of several brain cells, Rukawa had agreed. Sendoh smiled a grateful smile and squeezed the hand wrapped about his own. He tugged at it, drawing the younger boy towards the sidewalks of the busy streets. They had grown taller, Rukawa mused. Sendoh stood, a high 6"5 in height, muscular in built but still had the same slender form he possessed two years ago in high school. Rukawa stood, 6"3, slim, barely muscular, but definitely masculine. It was almost unbecoming, two guys walking side by side, hands clasped together, and definitely friends. //_Friends, nothing more.//_

"Ah, here."

Sendoh fished out a key from his pocket, pausing over a black Porsche. He opened the car, reaching over the other side to open the passenger door where Rukawa stood outside, waiting. Rukawa waited, patiently, as always. He sidled up inside the car, adjusting the sun visor so the heat outside wouldn't blur his sight. Surprisingly, even as the car revved out of the parking lot there was total silence. And even to Rukawa, it was unnerving.

Several minutes passed, stretching out to miles as Sendoh drove home, not speaking, breath heavy. Rukawa fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, uneasiness forming in his mind. Why the hell was Akira so damn quiet? Usually, he'd start his bickering even before their ride home.

"Akira…"

"Hmm…?"

"…I…how was your day?"

Laughter. Sendoh's laughter echoed through the closed-in Porsche, a soothing sound. "I've been with you through out the day Kaede, why ask silly questions now?"

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Silly…yes, I guess I'm being silly. He just smiled, Rukawa, he just smiled in answer. And the silence was there again, so deafening, that Rukawa wished he answered more than just a smile…and then maybe the silence wouldn't be there. 

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Round the corner, several miles North, turn left. The directions ran straight in Sendoh's head. The spiky-hair player was smiling, humming in his mind, bracing himself, calling for even the barest of understanding in the silence.

__

It was //too// silent.

"Kaede, how long are you staying here?"

Rukawa was silent for a moment, thinking. "8 more months. Why?" He just couldn't help but ask. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, Rukawa knew the answer, but he //had// to ask, //had// to hear the answer coming from //_him_.//

"Why…?" Sendoh breathe in, the silence once more choking them. "I'm leaving, next week. I'm going back to Japan." 

Rukawa wanted to ask //_why//_, why he had to go already, and found that no words would come out from his mouth, just a nod of understanding. And inside, the water was already forming in his eyes, a lump balling in his throat, taunting him for tomorrow.

**__**

Good byes are inevitable, always there. When you say hello, there's always a goodbye in the end. And the fear consuming you after that. The fear of why there's a goodbye.

For 10 months, Sendoh had been there. Always there //for him//. For 10 months…he was there, for simply no reason at all. His scholarship had ended a year ago, and he should've gone back to Japan a year ago, but he didn't, because he didn't want Rukawa to be alone. Because Rukawa was his //friend//.

For a year and a half…that's how long his scholarship would last. Rukawa almost hated the scholarship now, almost hated basketball for granting him the scholarship. _Silly, yes…I'm silly._ Rukawa shuddered involuntarily, emptiness threatening him. Of course Sendoh had to go back to Japan…he shouldn't even be here. Be in a foreign land. And all of a sudden, the busy streets up ahead overlooking in the balcony of their apartment scared Rukawa. All of a sudden, New York was an alienated place to him. Just because Sendoh was leaving. Next week…just a week more.

A small sad sigh escaped the former Shohoku Ace's lips, fingers touching in the tips, eyes watering, blurring. Next week, and he still hadn't told //him//.

"Kaede?"

That voice, soothing, comforting. A hand, slender, tanned, entwined against pale ones in a sign of //friendship//. "I'm going downtown…pizza for dinner?"

"Sure." Rukawa smiled, but his eyes were covered by ebony black hair.

Sendoh let go of his hand, giving a pat on the back. "Wanna come?"

Rukawa just shook his head, never turning to look at Sendoh. Akira.

Silently, the former Ryonan Ace slid of out their condo unit, a gift given by Rukawa's parents when he got to America. A few minutes later, Rukawa heard the revving of the engine being started and going out of the parking lot. Peering down, the ice blue eyes watched from the balcony as the Porsche drove to the town.

A small beeping sound came from inside where Rukawa slid in to, the blue light of his cellular phone blinking. Picking it up, Rukawa opened his inbox, eyes scanning over the short message.

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Tomorrow, at the school University garden at 3.

Eiji. Sawakita Eiji. Rukawa knew, even though it was unsigned. He briefly wondered if he should show up, before replying with a message. _Sure._

**__**

They say, the greatest way to miss someone is to lose him. I believe, the greatest way to lose someone is to have him be near you and still so out of reach.

From where he sat beside the driver's seat, the ice blue eyes were drifting shut, slowly. 

"Hey, Kaede."

"What?"

"Don't fall asleep on me!"

A playful punch on the shoulder delivered by Sendoh. Rukawa scowled, punching him in return. They laughed, both of them, at the childishness they had. The mall was just up ahead, the school University to it's left. Rukawa breathe in, smiling, the laughter dying. Suddenly, Sendoh reached past Rukawa, locking the younger man's door with a shake of his head.

"Hn…you should always lock your door Kae-chan."

The scent of him, accompanied by the sweet endearment drowned Rukawa. He frowned, a hard, twisting feeling tugging at his guts. He wanted to smile, smile to widely because Sendoh had called him so sweetly, but instead, a frown came to his lips. It wasn't visible to Sendoh, it shouldn't be, but nonetheless, the frown grew as memories of Sendoh smiling at him, of him and Sendoh playing one-on-ones, of Sendoh wiping the sweat from his face, came back, flooding his mind. Suddenly, he reached out, blindly, groping, stopping Sendoh with a hand on the arm.

"Stop it."

"Huh? What was that Kaede?" 

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No longer Kae-chan. "I said stop it."

A frown of worry came over to Sendoh's features and he looked to his left, bathing over the features so finely chiseled, pale skin starkly contrasting against black hair. "Stop what?"

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Stop the memories. "Stop the car."

"Why?"

"Because. Now."

Instantly, Sendoh drove over to the open parking lot of the mall, stopping. He turned, eyeing Rukawa with worry. Why was he so…?

"I have to go to the washroom."

"Oh." Sendoh mouthed, nodding in understanding. The worry was washed away from his face and he watched Rukawa remove the seatbelt restraining him, unlock the door and step out. In a matter of minutes, Rukawa had vanished into the mall.

A feeling washed over Sendoh and he turned, sitting upright, looking on ahead blankly. Just barely a week. Six more days. He wondered what Rukawa thought. He wondered how Rukawa felt.

**__**

When something is forged in your mind, no matter how much you deny it, it will never go away. Always, it is carved into your soul. Biting, digging, sharp against your desire to forget.

Rukawa walked briskly into the mall, looking by his side. There it was, a silver cross hanging by the chain connected to it. A finely carved glittering cross, something Rukawa had been wanting since he first saw it way months ago. Without thinking twice, he had pulled out his wallet by the back pocket of his pants, taking out his credit card.

He waved over to the sales lady who smiled at him. Pointing over to the silver cross, his mouth opened. "How much is that?"

"Two hundred forty-nine dollars and fifty cents sir." She still smiled even as Rukawa glared at her. He nodded, requesting for the glittering object while handing over his credit card.

"Shall I wrap it then, sir?"

"No." His reply was curt, cold, unnerving. But she still smiled, despite it all, and suddenly, he remembered Sendoh. Smiling despite everything. She came back with the cross and the chain and he snatched it quite rudely, quite fiercely. Still, she smiled.

Without even a goodbye or a thank you, Rukawa walked out of the shop, not turning back. His mind was beginning to work again, fast, hard, painful. Images of Sendoh flashing before him. He stopped, hearing his name being called.

"Rukawa Kaede, sir? You left your credit card." That sales lady again. And suddenly, it all hit Rukawa, brisk, firm, unsettling. He'd just bought a glittering object worth two hundred fifty dollars.

Opening the car door more noisily than necessary, Rukawa settled in his seat. Sendoh jerked up, suddenly awake and he glanced over to his left where Rukawa sat, scowling as usual. He smiled, even though he knew Rukawa wasn't looking at him. He started the Porsche, the engine making light noise.

"Are you finished with what you had to do?"

_No._ "Yes."

Nothing more. Their conversation ending there. Sendoh drove, quietly, knowing and understanding. He drove, from the mall to the school University, stopping to drop Rukawa over. He saw the barest of a silver bright bracelet around the pale neck, but never commented a word about it.

Barely a week more, but Rukawa needed the time.

**__**

Move on. That's what people usually say when fairy tale endings don't come true. But it's not that easy to move on, in fact, it's so hard to move on because of all the memories you can never forget. So instead, when you have to move on, just take the load little by little, drop it along the way, rather than doing it all in the blink of an eye. It should work more effectively.

Soft footsteps disturbed the silence of the grass as gently, Eiji sat beside Rukawa under the shades of the Sakura tree. It was the blossoming season, the pink petals drifting slowly, gently down. Neither of them spoke, just understanding each other in the silence. Rukawa lied down on the grass, arms crossed behind his head, Eiji sitting beside him, one leg raised up an arm slung over it, the other stretched out, while his other arm supported him.

"What?" As usual, it was Rukawa who started their conversation.

Eiji simply shrugged, lying down as well. "What do you plan to do?"

"Do to what?"

"I heard, he's leaving in less than a week."

Silence. "I want to tell him."

"You love him. You gave him everything, you never said no. //You could never say no.// Even if you wanted to, because you love him. But do you know what? You can't have everything you want."

"I didn't hear me asking you." His heartbeat racing, thrumming against his chest.

They were both staring at the light blue sky, mixing with the pink of the Sakura petals. "You dig him Rukawa, Kami-sama, I'd have to be blind if I didn't see it."

"What do you care.?"

_A lot._ "I don't. I'm just curious of the outcome."

_Just like you Eiji. Always curious._ Sawakita Eiji, long time friend, given the same scholarship as Rukawa. They'd met at the Japan Youth Training Camp, had a month-long relationship, before both decided it wasn't going anywhere. And now, here they were again, reopening themselves when they shouldn't be.

"I still hate you." _Do you even know that Eiji?_

A smirk. "Rukawa's digging someone who's out of reach."

Rukawa sat up, a growl coming from his throat. "Is that all you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Yes." _And I just wanted to see you._

"Asshole."

"I know. But you'd be the more asshole between us if you don't tell him."

"Maybe." _Still a friend, Eiji. Why?_ Rukawa stood up, brushing the grass off his clothes. He trudged away, out of Eiji's reach, but not out of earshot.

"Rukawa." Rukawa turned, listening. "Good luck." And he smiled, almost.

**__**

And they lived happily ever after…is not always the ending…

Rukawa frowned, downing the glass of vodka in one drink. He'd been waiting for over some time now, sitting over the stool, arms draped by the bar, one lanky leg stretching to the floor. His head was tossed back, the lights of the bar dancing on his features. Even without looking, he knew that people were staring at him, looking him over with lust and for once, he didn't care. Because if they knew, they'd turn away from him.

His long slender neck was exposed to the lights and he shuddered, partly from cold, partly from thrill. His eyes were shut close, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. His hand was fisted, a dangling chain coming from it. He remained like that for what seemed like an eternity, the bar enveloping the ethereal beauty of a fallen angel. Or perhaps a falling angel. It didn't matter.

"Kaede?"

He opened his eyes, squinting lightly against the brightly flashing lights flooding the bar. He straightened, tilting his head to the side and looking Sendoh over. "You're late." _As I expected._

"Sorry. I had to-" Rukawa cut whatever the words Sendoh had to say, touching a finger over his lips in a silencing manner. He stood up, looking Sendoh in the eye, Prussian eyes meeting ice blue. He smiled, a true, light, sincere smile.

"Akira."

Sendoh was silent, just smiling, looking. There. Always there.

"I…um…well…I love you."

Sendoh nodded. He reached out, their eyes meeting, before the space closed in and Sendoh gave Rukawa a chaste kiss on the forehead. "I know."

Deafening silence matched with slight fury. _Why isn't he mad?_ "Akira…ninety-nine point nine percent of the world would hate me or already hates me. I'm gay, I love you, what more do you want to hear? Don't you hate me as well?" Sarcasm dripping on his voice.

Still, Sendoh smiled. "And what happened to the point one percent?"

Silence. Uneasiness. "It became you."

A smile. Once more, Rukawa repeated the words, trying to get used to it. "I love you."

"I know." That again. Just that. Sendoh took his hand, entwining their fingers. He gave Rukawa the time and space he needed and this is where it led. 

Rukawa reached, feeling taking over, and put the silver cross glittering against and into Sendoh's hand. A sigh escaped his lips, smile broadening to a grin. Friendship…a mixture of trust and love, and still, the pain never goes away. "Let's go home."

**__**

…but sometimes, it's a good start.

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Finished. March 18, 2002. © Rayne.


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